Would you like to buy a Rolex and a home mortgage loan while we ship you prescription drugs at half cost? No, no no, not that SPAM, this post is about the real Spam, the meaty substance that comes in a can.

I came across this article recently and it got me thinking, WHY? Why do the people of Hawaii love this food item so much? According to the article, Hawaiians are the biggest consumers of SPAM products in the U.S. McDonald's and Burger King have both added it to their breakfast menus. Guess they've taken a cue from Monty Python.

I decided to check out the ultimate source of Spam, spam.com. As websites go, I have to say, this is one excellent site for both information and entertainment value. When you get to that homepage, just start clicking on the people, the houses, heck, even the dog. Each one has about 4 or 5 different things that they say or do. mouse to the left or right to scroll in those directions for more things you can't see on smaller screens. The guy in the yellow SPAM shirt is particularly interesting. You think he got paid or is one of them crazy Spam fan club members. Yes, I said fan club, they have a fan club. I can imagine telling folks about that gig. Do you think any of those folks talk like that in real life?

• "My car is craaaaazzzzzyyyy tasty, like Spam!" (waving hands in the air)
• "Mom, I wan't some SPAM!!!!" - I hope mom lays a smackdown on that kid.
• "Spam makes me strong" - especially with spinach

So, what is it about this meat that makes it's consumers so enthusiastic about it. What addictive, mood-altering chemical is in that meat to make people so happy about it? Is this a conspiracy. Are we all going to fall under its spell or else? We better get Fox Mulder on the job.

Keep an eye out for the spammobile. He's taunting you, daring you to eat Spam. He's got those wee beady eyes and that smug grin. He knows you're going to join his minions. You can't resist the power of his cuteness. Just ask the Hawaiians! Secret documents reveal that the spammobile has several staging areas on the islands of Hawaii from which he casts his spell. You must spread the word. Fight the power!